@tibianchini
1 year ago
Public
The double bass in the middle of the room
If I shut up, it's because I don't care.
If I give you space, it's because I don't like it.
If I look, it's because I'm pushing.
If I pretend it's okay, it's because I'm covert.
I'm tired of being a monster.
To end happy lives and marriages.
Of not being understood,
To be feared as a predator,
About to end the sanity of decent people.
I'm tired of being wrong.
To assault even when I do nothing.
Being the boring, the cranky, the inflexible.
The fucking insufferable autistic.
I don't want to think about anything or anyone anymore.
I want to think of myself.
What's left of me.
And you who read me, don't fool yourselves:
I am a despicable being, who even
You have the nerve to pretend to be a good person.
While I destroy hearts and minds around me.
Me, the vile, the evil, the crook.
Which, even without doing anything, gets in the way.
Which, even silent, offends.
Really quiet.
Don't expect me to be a piano,
Tailed, shiny, giving glamour to the environment:
I'm the ugly, the rude, the aggressive.
The eternal inconvenience.
What bothers you but can't be expelled.
The double bass in the middle of the room.
If I sing, everyone will realize how expendable I am,
And if you pull my strings,
I will become even more a large and useless baggage.
All this, until the day you're gone,
In which no one else can hear from me
(Not that anyone will come to me one day, I know)
Until the day my severe harsh and intruding
They no longer invade anyone's sweet life.
And then, yes, they'll say that deep down,
I was even a good soul,
I would even serve a purpose,
Or that it could be useful for someone's happiness.
And one day, I know, someone will say, with crocodile tears,
How good that boy was.